I hope that you all had a great Halloween!
Yesterday was a strange day for me to say the least. It started out like any other Thursday. Things were going well, it was a good hair day, I was ready for work early......then I got the call. My phone rang, it was my cousin. He never calls me, he always texts. I should have known that wasn't a good sign. He was calling to tell me that one of our oldest, dearest friends was killed in an accident early yesterday morning. I could not believe it! It was a very rough day, to say the least, after that.
He was my first boy friend, my junior prom date. My cousin set us up. We were 16 years old and we were in love!! LOL We were going to get married and live happily ever after, etc etc....... We went off to separate colleges and eventually, our separate ways but we stayed in touch all these years. We joked about being each other's bail out, we argued viciously over college football. He was a dear friend.
He messaged me on Tuesday. I was busy at work and didn't really want to chit chat at the time. I was short and abrupt with my responses. I was rude! The next day, I got a message from him telling me how important I was to him and that he was happy that we were such good friends. I thanked him and told him that I felt the same way about him. It was so random and I just thought that he was being nice. I never imagined that would be the last time I ever heard from him.
I've experienced so many emotions in the past 24 hours. I've cried so much! I'm so angry at him!! I want to shake him and punch him for leaving his family and friends behind!! Who is going to tease me about my age on my birthday? Who is going to give me a hard time about being a grandma?? Who is going to argue with me about college football, especially his beloved OSU Cowboys?? My heart is so heavy!!
I've lost grandparents and patients before, but those were all expected. I've never lost a friend. As a former hospice nurse, I know that what I'm feeling is considered "normal grief" I know that time is the only thing that will heal this kind of hurt. The one that that I'm having the most difficulty dealing with is the fact that I didn't take time to talk to him when he messaged me on Tuesday. I'm sure that wouldn't have changed anything but I would at least have the peace of mind that I was there for a friend when they needed me. As it is right now, my last memory is that I was rude and didn't have time...something that I will always regret! I never got to say goodbye!!
People, never ever take someone for granted!! Always answer the damn phone!! You never know when it might be the last chance!!